What Happened, Zeppelin? You Used To Be Cool

There’s been a lot of talk on and off lately about a Zeppelin reunion tour, reuniting some of the members of the band. In a lot of ways this might seem like a good idea. After all, Zeppelin rules, right? Maybe not.
For many years, Presence was the only Led Zeppelin album I had never heard. I always knew it was out there, but I had plenty of quality Zeppelin to listen to without the need to branch out. I guess it’s my fault—I let the thing take on a kind of mythical quality. So when I finally bought the album I was expecting a lot. And what I got was Presence.

Now there’s a lot of history behind the album’s creation: It was recorded in 18 days, Plant had just been in a car crash, Page was struggling with heroin addiction, blah, blah, blah. True as that may be, the album just isn’t very good, and listening to it was a disappointment of epic proportions. At its best, Zeppelin is a barely coherent mix of late 60’s hard rock, stolen blues riffs, bizarre pagan mythology, British folk music, and forty minute solos. Presence is more like generic rock music, with all of the over-indulgence and none of the craftsmanship. It's like the worst of Foreigner.

“Achilles Last Stand,” remains one of Zeppelin’s greatest tracks, and if you think of Presence as that song plus seven bonus tracks, maybe it's worthwhile. There is no finer example of the raw power and awesomeness of Led Zeppelin than the relentless drums of John Bonham on “Achilles.” Plant’s voice is haunting, and the song has a driving, gentle sadness to it despite the hard edge. It’s an underrated, somewhat unknown Zeppelin track, mostly popular among hardcore Zeppelin fans, and its worth about a million listens. (Which is still a somewhat low number for a Zeppelin song; indeed, most Zeppelin albums are worth at least five trillion listens, according to top Zeppelin scientists.)

Presence eliminates itself from the debate of “greatest Zeppelin album” almost as quickly as the even more regrettable Coda. Perhaps someday I will try to make a list of the best Zeppelin albums, but it’s hard to make decent comparisons out of what’s left. Without hyperbole, I can confidently state that Led Zeppelin is one of the greatest achievements in the history of mankind, and slight mistakes such as Presence will be forgotten in the grand scheme of things.

And now the point: What won’t be forgotten is if Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones attempt to run around the country touring as Led Zeppelin without Robert Plant. I understand the need to cash in on success as much as the next guy, but Zeppelin, like The Beatles, is one of the few great bands who quit while the iron was (relatively) hot, never subjecting their legacy to the spectacle of increasingly elderly men trying to run around the stage like they did when they were 23.

If Plant were on board, then yes, I’d be rushing to buy tickets, whether it tarnished their image or not. But with any other singer, it’s just a bunch of old men. Zeppelin fans can forgive Presence, they can forgive Coda, and most of us have come to terms with “The Crunge.” But let’s leave them in the 70s where they belong. Otherwise Presence won’t be the biggest thing to worry about.