This was the big one. The mother of all action figure playsets. When I was six years old, Eternia was only a few inches shorter than I was, and there was nothing cooler on the face of the earth. If bigger meant better, Eternia was the best thing ever made. It had a battery operated monorail track, a giant lion/door that could eat action figures, five floors, about fifty accessories and a dozen things to keep your He-Man figures occupied—trap doors, prisons, laser canons, computer terminals; so much that I can’t begin to remember it all. It had everything you could possibly want out of an action figure playset, and not a single towel rack.
I never gave up on Eternia. I wanted it for three Christmases in a row before I finally got it, after He-Man had long faded from the public eye. Three Christmases is an eternity (whoa, I just got that) for a kid to want the same thing, but I was persistent. Mall Santa after mall Santa had no idea what I was talking about when I asked for it, and even my helpful crayon illustrations failed to get the message across. But that didn’t stop me from asking for it again and again and again. Nevermind that in actual He-Man lore “Eternia” was the name of the planet the characters inhabited, and the creation of the three towered “Eternia” was simply an excuse to release a giant playset. There was nothing on earth I wanted more.
By Christmas of 1988, I was close to losing all hope. I was still a fan of He-Man and She-Ra, but both shows were now off the air, only occasionally shown in reruns on USA. The products were gradually disappearing from stores as Mattel turned its focus back to Matchbox Cars and Barbie. Eternia was always hard to find, but by 1988 it was well on its way to becoming the collector’s item it is today. In 1986 there were plenty of other He-Man toys to occupy me, light the Fright Zone and the Slime Pit and…sigh…Crystal Falls. In 1987 I had Fireball Island, and no one would dare complain about that. But in 1988 the idea of Christmas without Eternia seemed bleak indeed.
Then fortune smiled on me. My grandmother, who back then did all of her Christmas shopping about 8 months ahead of time, had managed to find one. At a reduced price, no less! I don’t remember if she took credit for it or assigned it to “Santa.” I think the fact that I have absolutely zero memory of where it came from only emphasizes how excited I finally was to open up that giant box and see the familiar He-Man and Mattel logos. After four consecutive He-Man related Christmases, this would be the last time I would ever open one of those boxes.
But back then I didn’t have such a nostalgic mind. I ripped the box open as soon as I could and got to work assembling the thing in my room downstairs—I think I actually put it all together without much help from my dad, a big achievement for me at the time. It took hours, and I can still remember the smell of the new plastic, the way the rough edges felt on each small piece as I ripped them from their plastic frame, and struggling to perfectly press the “sticker flags” together. Like all of my action figure playsets, I had as much fun putting it together as I did playing with it, quite possibly more.
Once it was assembled, it took up an entire wall of my room (when you attached it to the Snake Mountain and Castle Greyskull playsets, of course, but what He-Man fan in their right mind wouldn’t do that? I’d had both of those since Christmas of 1985, and that year they enjoyed a well deserved revival.) I don’t know if I actually played with it all that much once I got it assembled, like I said, the He-Man phenomenon was definitely waning by that point. I mainly enjoyed getting out all of my figures, posing them around the three towers in action battle poses, sneaking away my parent’s camera from its hiding spot in the cabinet upstairs, and taking about a dozen pictures. Later on, the Eternia tower would be re-purposed as a miniature for movies I shot on my dad’s VHS camcorder, doubling for locations as diverse as the Empire State Building and Princess Zelda’s castle.
Owing to my increasing fussiness and pack-rat tendencies, any of my toys that survived, say, 1992, are still in pristine condition and stored in boxes in my parent’s house. Most of Eternia has survived to this day, though much of the monorail track and some of the smaller accessories are long gone. Even collecting dust in a forgotten corner of the basement, the giant lion faced tower still commands awe and respect. It’s not in anywhere near good enough shape to fetch the $800 a mint condition version can get on ebay, but I like it the way it is, a picturesque ruin that inspires memories of a lost age.
After wanting it for three years you’d think maybe I found Eternia a little disappointing, but if anything it was better than I hoped. Ever since the Star Wars prequels it’s become almost gospel that most big things are just big let downs. Not so Eternia. It was marketed as the coolest playest of all time, and it was. Some kids had their Death Star or their Ghostbusters Firehouse or their G.I. Joe Air Craft Carrier. Those were all awesome playsets, but nothing could ever compare to Eternia. Best. Toy. Ever.
(Dang. All this He-Man/She-Ra reminiscing has dredged up a lot of memories. Looks like I’ll be revisiting that topic in 2010. Stay tuned.)
It’s finally Halloween! Time to get dressed up, go out to parties, and eat candy corn until you throw up! (Tip: To throw up faster, try those delicious candy corn pumpkins.)
Now it occurs to me that even at this late hour some people might be thinking about costumes. Since I used to be an expert (and still am, when the situation demands it) at putting Halloween costumes together at the last possible second, I thought I would dedicate my last Halloween post to sharing some of the costume ideas I’ve thrown together over the years, just in case there’s anyone out there who needs a quick last minute fix. (As a guy, these will be guy costumes, but I think girls are pretty set for costumes as it is. Girl’s Guide to Halloween Costumes: Get some clothes, then take 75-90% of them off.) Unfortunately photos of all these monstrosities have been lost to the ages, so this will require a bit of imagination.
1. Thomas Jefferson/Alexander Hamilton/Generic 18th Century Fop
I’m a big fan of our Founding Fathers, but some of them were, to modern eyes at least, a bit “fancy” which makes them perfect for Halloween. I think I originally intended to be Thomas Jefferson as part of a senior class costume contest. Later some friends decided I looked more like Alexander Hamilton on the recently redesigned ten dollar bill, so when this costume appeared later it morphed into an Alexander Hamilton ensemble.
How to Make It:
It helps to have really long hair to start with. Ask a girl to share some of her face powder with you (Warning: She won’t get much back), then powder your hair like crazy. This is the most important element. Then simply tie your hair back into a pony tail with a frilly lace or ribbon, wear a long overcoat, stick some Kleenex in your sleeves to double as distinctive sleeve ruffles, pull your socks up high to look like tights, and you’re off to the races. For an added punch of Revolutionary flavor you can steal a golf club (I use a five iron) to use as a makeshift walking stick. Put on your best dandified foppish accent for a little extra sex appeal.
2. John Lennon/The Beatles 
Some friends and I went as The Beatles (White Album era) during the height of my Beatles obsession. I was John, and even perfected an amusing Beatle accent to go along with the outfit. Everyone loves The Beatles, so it’s a great way to bring smiles to the faces of young and old alike, and very easy to pull off.
How to Make It: All you need to look like John Lennon is long hair and glasses. No matter how much you do or do not look like him, long hair and glasses is so tied to John Lennon in pop culture that people will immediately draw their own conclusions. Then wear whatever you want, because, hey, you’ve got long hair and glasses, you must be John Lennon. Just make sure you keep the other Beatles close by, otherwise you might be mistaken for another long haired, glasses wearing musician, such as Rush frontman Geddy Lee. Nobody wants to be Geddy Lee.
3. The Headless Horseman
This is probably my proudest Halloween accomplishment, and winner of the coveted Northern Middle School Costume Contest. It’s a classic monster from a classic story, so you really can’t go wrong. I was due at the school Halloween party in half an hour when my dad and I threw this together from scratch, so you can never say it’s too late to put together a great costume. It earned me a $15 dollar gift certificate to the mall, so who knows what wonders it will work for you?
How to Make It: The main ingredient here is a nice vampire cape with a high collar—it really sells the whole headless look. Then just put on any shirt and use some newspaper to puff up the shoulders to the proper level, and viola: homemade headless horseman. One caveat: I never figured out how to see out of the costume. I spent most of trick-or-treat night trapped in a small forest of bushes until my friend’s dad found me and fished me out. But other than that, it’s a great idea.
4. Darth Vader
There was a time before the Star Wars prequels when Darth Vader was universally cool. I dreamed of a Darth Vader Halloween costume for years and years before I finally got the chance to portray the Lord of the Sith in 7th grade. Darth Vader is the owner of the greatest mask ever made, and I can’t image anyone not wanting to try it on, at least for an evening.
How to Make It: Go to a Halloween costume store. Purchase a Darth Vader mask. Then wear all black and a cape, which you should probably also buy at the store.
5. Skeletor
If I’m not mistaken, this was the first Halloween costume I picked out totally on my own, without any input from my parents. As a kid I always felt bad for Skeletor—he just couldn’t win. Who doesn’t identify with a scrappy loser like that? No matter how many times his schemes were foiled, he just kept trying again. By taking Skeletor into my own hands, I thought perhaps I could redeem him. Show up to a Halloween party dressed as the Master of Snake Mountain, and you’re bound to attract some approving murmurs from the ladies. Many a successful relationship began with one of the parties dressed as Skeletor.
How to Make It: Invent time travel. Travel back in time to 1986. Go to a Halloween costume store. Purchase Skeletor costume.
There you have it, a small sampling of sure-fire Halloween party hits. So get dressed up, get out there, and have a crazy, safe, and happy Halloween!!
This was the big one. The mother of all action figure playsets. When I was six years old, Eternia was only a few inches shorter than I was, and there was nothing cooler on the face of the earth. If bigger meant better, Eternia was the best thing ever made. It had a battery operated monorail track, a giant lion/door that could eat action figures, five floors, about fifty accessories and a dozen things to keep your He-Man figures occupied—trap doors, prisons, laser canons, computer terminals; so much that I can’t begin to remember it all. It had everything you could possibly want out of an action figure playset, and not a single towel rack. 
But back then I didn’t have such a nostalgic mind. I ripped the box open as soon as I could and got to work assembling the thing in my room downstairs—I think I actually put it all together without much help from my dad, a big achievement for me at the time. It took hours, and I can still remember the smell of the new plastic, the way the rough edges felt on each small piece as I ripped them from their plastic frame, and struggling to perfectly press the “sticker flags” together. Like all of my action figure playsets, I had as much fun putting it together as I did playing with it, quite possibly more. 
